Bila Aku Cakap Orang Akan Terasa Hati

Aku ni orang kenal dengan perangai yang xde perasaan..

mungkin sbb dah biase dr kecik..

xde sape yg kesah pasal perasaan aku kan..

so muka pon mcm tu je lah..

hati pon dah keras..

tapi diam2 aku.. sebenarnya aku banyak perati org..

perhati mcm mana dia manusia tipu manusia lain..

kadang2 bukan aku x tau dia akan tipu..

just.. xpelah.. trust je la n tgk sejauh mana dia pegang kata2 dia..

macam parents aku..

diorang slalu ckp aku x nk open up bila kat diorang..

sedang kan sejak kecik..

diorang xde masa nk dgr tu semua..

tiap kali nk ckp pon..

diorang harap kan benda gembira nk ckp..

dapat A ke..

kene puji ngn cikgu ke..

so yang aku sedih2 smua diorang x tahu..

so... ke toilet lah kite lepaskan smua nya..

kluar toilet mata merah..

salah kan shampoo..

senang~

aku malas nk ckp ape aku rasa kat orang..

sbb kalau ckp pon.. 

siorang akan rasa besalah..

tapi x lama..

nnt akan jadi mcm biase balik..

aku dah bosan ngn tipu2 manusia ni..

bila aku ckp..

muka aku xde perasaan..

aku x kan feel sorry kalau aku rasa ape aku ckp tu betul..

and i wont say SORRY if i made you cry..

because you made me feel that way n when im telling you what and how i felt.. i plak kne mintak maaf? thats kinda bullshit..

pernah dia tanya aku..

"eh.. kenapa ibu x tau"

and aku just jawab

"because you never at home"

then dia kata..

i made her sad..

tadaaaa~~ its all my fault 

thank you very much..

itu parents..

laki2 pon sama..

kata x sama mcm laki lain la pe la..

end up tinggal kan aku..

i promise u'll forever be by my side..

last2 "kau igt aku ade 24 jam masa ngn kau ke"

tahi itu smua..

nk call mlm2.. 

last2 call nk gtau nk tido..

konon bila week end nk spend time text satu hari..

alih2 kluar ngn kawan..

"kawan laki tu penting.. igt kalau tayar pancit ke aku leh call kau ke tolong?? kau leh buat ape??"

aku pon penipu jugak..

act mcm nothing happened..

smua gerenti OKAY!

hiding sakit aku..

hmm..

senyum..

nk nangis kat shower okay?

konklusi:

nama nya MANUSIA..

smua pon sama..

smua pon penipu..

nk tido..

nnt baru masukkan gambo ke ape ke..

night..

sayonara~ 

Loneliness-ness-ness

well hey.. its me again..

duh~

just wanna talk about loneliness....

it had been a part of me since i was small..

ye lah kan.. x de adik beradik..

org smua sebok.. main sorg2..

kadang2 teringin nk rasa.. mcm mana rasa bila someoe yg always ade je someone ngn dia

utk dia kongsi2 happy.. sedih.. marah.. geram smua tu..

i just wanna feel it just for a day..

just for a day.. please.. dont leave me..

dr nk tido malam tu.. 

x kan ade perasaan takut yang "bila bangun smua orang xde"

sbb kita tau.. org tu akan ade bila kita bukak mata pagi nnt.. 

and dia x tinggal kita sekejap pon..

sampai kita tido balik..

ade ke? wujud ke?

or its just my imagination..

just for a single day..

hmm..

kadang2 aku google benda pelik2..

baca quote2..

n rasa happy..

rasa mcm..

there's someone who actually understands me..

thats exactly how i feel..

thank you for understanding..

but..

aku x tahu lah sbb ego or sebab dah terbiase..

n ego tu pasti..

buat mcm xde pape jadi..

sbb you can handle everything on your own kan?

just smile and wave.. :)

====== random talk ======

i really want to talk about depression..

but i dont know how..

i really need help..

i dont know what to do..

i am depressed..

a lot..

i need help..

but siapa? hmm

ckp kat org... diorang just ckp..

"alaa.. kau ni overthinking je ni.. xde pape lah tu"

terima kasih.. SANGAT membantu..

====================

lagu utk semangat keluar dari segala2..

BREAK AWAY

kata2 terakhir::

just smile while you have reasons to smile

Writing Again?

before that... this song is really in my head right now :3

Well hey its me again.. 

after few months.. bout 5 months now.. 

NEW LIFE??

naahh.. same life..just continuing to a new chapter.

i met this guy.. 4 years back..

when i met him (online) i know things will never be "just friends" with him.. he is the most perfect guy in my life.. my dream guy.. mcm dlm manga smua tu.. sebijik tu lah dia..

but.. 2 tahun lepas.. start contact balik... n status kami jadi complecated...

it dont end up like what i imagined it would be..

we still are "just friends" and lost contact again..

i was so devastated.. then the my exman came back to me..

doing all PLAYBOY's thing to me.. 

and i believed him..

nahh not ganna talk about him..

but.. yea..

when you are broken then there is someone yg care pasal u.. mesti la smua org pon akan fikir "he/she is the one".. 

about one year plus officially (soft of) with him.. 

x official pye mau 2 tahun.. ye la.. lepas kne tinggal ngn mamat perfect tu..

i want him to be my last.. until he "declared" he cheated on me..

yea right.. tak guna..

ntah betul ntah tak.. i dont believe it..

but... nmpk sgt he wants to get rid of me.. so i did..

n one month later..

here i am with my perfect guy again!!

i know.. What the fuck?????

aku x plan pon nk ade ape2 special ngn dia..

aku igt still nk kekal kan "just friends" tu disebabkan aku masih trauma ngn laki ni..

smua penipu..

smua manusia pon penipu..

but cara dia menyesal.. cara dia ckp dia betul2 buat pilihan yg salah..

buat kan aku terbukak hati..

"i know what it felt like not to be with you.. it hurts.. i dont want to feel that again"

dia pon dah buat effort utk jumpa aku smua..

now dah 4 bulan dah.. and for now 2 kali dah dia dtg sini.. just to see me..

for now.. everythg seemingly to be perfect again......

i just hope it'll last..

=== random thanks ===

well.. random thanks to sesiapa yang bukak page ni walaupon........

xde update pape..

hmm sape lah yg rajin sangat ni..

thank you to you sir/miss :3

well nothing pon dlm page ni.. just me n my life..

hahaha..

ckp ape benda yg x booleh ckp kat manusia lain.. 

sbb xde org yg kesah pon..

because everyone is too busy managing their own life kan.. 

biasa lah.. manusia :3

================

tu je kot nk update masa ni.. nnt wa update lg...

XOXO

kata2 terakhir::

HOPING TO WRITE AGAIN